Expat Wives Beware

In China, air pollution often touches dangerous levels. Therefore almost every foreigner is worried about air pollution and its influences. However, a very hazardous and often ignored threat is hanging about to assault the health of your relationship in Beijing. 

General Challenges for Expat Marriages

Everyone knows that expat marriages experience many challenges, usually one partner gives up his career and follow the other partner too far away locations. 

The working partner (husband) is always busy and enclosed by his coworkers. While a wife is often left without a determination or network, she has to build new friendships to learn the foreign culture and language without any help. 

In expat marriage, the husband is often happy, while the wife may be unhappy. A few years ago China Daily ran an article about distressed expat housewives, but generally, you can’t find the complete resources on the topic. 

 “Yellow fever”

Well, the inequality between husband and wife is not all that can disturb an expat marriage. Asia or Beijing generally has added hazards. 

I am living in Beijing for many years, as a foreigner, I meet many expats. In Beijing, I learned about the influence of “yellow fever”, the unexpected obsession of foreign men with Chinese ladies. Only a few long-term relationships or marriages are safe from this disease. You will see a middle-aged man walking around with a Chinese girl at least 10-15 years younger than him. I have seen many Chinese women dating foreign men. 

My European friend has been living in Beijing for many years, one day he has told me that he never sees a western man who lives in Beijing and didn’t cheat on his girlfriend or wife. However, that may be his observation of his friend's circle.

A moving consultant has told me that on the visit to lookout the new location, the couple usually seems in love and excited about their move. But when the man relocates for a job and comes back even after a few months he has a Chinese girlfriend. 

Well, I don’t understand how it happens, how Chinese women appeal to the western guy. In Beijing, I have seen some Chinese girls teeming around a Western guy like moths around the light. 

At expat events, you will see many Chinese girls/boys trying to make foreign friends. I don’t mean every Chinese girl is looking for a western guy. Many women are there just to meet interesting people. Some Chinese women flirt with Western men. However, some westerners certainly enjoy the admiration and attention of girls. There are also some Chinese men interested in Western women. 

Moreover, the outlook of some Chinese women about the Western guy is that if he is married, no problem for her. She can date a married man even if he has kids. In Beijing, it is common for a foreign man to have Chinese girlfriends. However, wives are also likely to choose other fun ways. 

How to keep your Relationship Healthy?

I don’t mean to disquiet future expat wives; I just want to aware of you so you can protect your relationship. Before moving to Beijing, you should first be aware of every risk and talk about it with your future husband/wife. You have to be serious about it. I have seen many couples who think that it could never happen with them, but it happens. 

As a wife, it is important to be happy and build your own life. Being needy, anxious, and unfortunate is a sure charm killer. Don’t make it attractive for your husband to look outside for fun. Before moving to Beijing, always talk about the challenges and risks to your relationship. It is important even if your marriage life is contented. 

To help expat wives please share your experience and recommendation in the comments.