Chinese Traditional Marriage Culture

Chinese Traditional Marriage Culture

Marriage culture is a part of human culture, and a link, or a special form, in the chain of the development of human culture as well. With the development and inheritance for thousands of years, marriage culture, as a unique cultural phenomenon, has already been rooted in the Chinese culture as a whole.

Getting married is a life-changing event which will be experienced by every person. Although Chinese marriage culture has undergone great changes for thousands of years, the wedding ceremony is still an important ritual in people's lives.

In the ancient time, the word marriage means dusk. The ancients considered the dusk as the auspicious time of the day. Thus the ritual of the couple's getting together was called “ritual of the dusk.”

Han People's Marriage Culture

“Three Letters and Six Etiquette” are the traditional wedding customs of the Han people in China. This wedding process of the past is a little different from the modem one, which generally refers to the etiquette of the wedding day. However, the wedding process of “Three Letters and Six Etiquette” includes all the letters and etiquette during the process of talking about marriage, engagement and final getting married.

In the past, the marriage wouldn’t be admitted as a right and legal one unless the couple finished the whole process of Three Letters and Six Etiquette. Whether the marriage etiquette is complete or not will determine the auspiciousness of the marriage.

(1)    Three Letters 三书

“Three Letters" refer to all the letters used during the process of “Six Etiquette.” They, including the Betrothal Letter (聘书), the Gift Letter (礼书), and the Wedding Letter (迎亲书), were the validly written records to safeguard the marriage in the past.

The Betrothal Letter is the document of engagement. It is presented to the bride’s family by the groom's at the moment of Naji (the couple’s engagement).

The Gift Letter, the document used in the betrothal gift exchange, lists the items and numbers of the process.

The Wedding Letter is the document of marrying the bride. The groom's family presents it to the bride’s when he comes to pick up the new wife.

(2)    Six Etiquette 六礼

“Six Etiquette” is the six etiquette of the whole wedding process. They are proposing (Nacai 纳采), birthday matching (Wenming 问名), presenting betrothal gifts (Naji 纳吉), presenting wedding gifts (Nazheng 纳征), and picking a wedding date (Qingqi 请期), and the wedding ceremony (Qinying 亲迎).

Proposing refers to the groom's parents' formal proposal. When their kids are at the age of marriage, the groom's parents will invite a matchmaker to propose marriage to the parents of an identified bride-to-be. They need to send about 30 kinds of gifts with certain auspicious symbolic meanings to the girl’s side, who will inquire about the condition of the boy's family as well.

Birthday matching refers to the process of giving the date and hour of the prospective bride’s birth to the groom’s side. If the girl's parents accept the proposal, they will give the date and hour of their daughter’s birth to the boy’s family, who later will practice divination to see whether the marriage is auspicious or not and then decide whether the boy and the girl will get married or not.

Presenting betrothal gifts (also called Guo wending, which means engagement now) refers to the groom's family’s placement of the birth dates and hours of the couple in front of the God or at the ancestral altar to inquire whether the marriage is with good luck or not, and thus confirm their compatibility. When there is no symbol of conflict and restraining, the bridegroom's family will then arrange the matchmaker to present the betrothal letter and betrothal gifts to the bridegroom’s family.

Presenting wedding gifts ( also called Guo Dali) refers to the groom's side’s sending the Gift Letter and the wedding gifts to the bride’s. About two weeks to one month before the wedding ceremony, the bridegroom's family will ask two or four female relatives of theirs, together with the matchmaker, to come to the bride’s house with the Gift Letter and wedding gift. At this moment, the bride's parents need to return a set of gifts to the groom's family.

Picking a wedding date ( also called ''Selection of Dale" ) refers to the groom's parents, selecting an auspicious day for the wedding ceremony and asking permission from the bride's side.

Wedding Ceremony (or called “Welcoming the Bride”) refers to the action (hat the bride in full dress, escorted by the matchmaker, friends, and relatives, goes to the bride’s house to send the Wedding Letter and to fetch his new wife on the auspicious wedding day. The groom has to go to the bride's ancestral temple to worship, and then the bride, in a sedan, will be escorted to the groom’s house where the rituals of bowing to the Heaven, Earth, and Ancestors will be carried out.

(3)    Performing the Formal Wedding Ceremony

Among the traditional Chinese marriage rites, “performing the formal wedding ceremony” is the last step of the wedding ceremony and the most important one as well. After the “performing the formal wedding ceremony,” which is also called “bow to the Heaven and Earth” (as part of a wedding ceremony) “bow to the flower hall” or “bow to get married," the couple formally becomes husband and wife. Performing the formal wedding ceremony is called “ bowing to the hall “ because it is held in the hall in the ancient wedding. Chinese ancestors hold that only after the marriage, the relation between a man and a woman become ethic and thus they need to bow to the Heaven and Earth. Only after the marriage, the woman becomes one of her husband’s family, so they need to bow to their ancestors. Only after the marriage, the two individuals can compose as a whole. Therefore the newly- married couple needs to bow to each other to show that they are serious.

Uighur People’s Marriage Culture

The Uighur wedding is grand, ardent and full of national characteristics. Friends and relatives will get together happily. They sing and dance, making the wedding full of buzz and excitement.

(1)    Nika

On the first morning of the wedding, the ritual called Nika ( witnessing the marriage) will be held at the bride’s home. The imam will chant sutras, ask the bride and groom whether they are willing to get married, and then invite the new couple to eat a kind of crusty pancake soaked in saline water, conveying the meaning of “sharing happiness and sorrow, and being united in wedlock forever.”

(2)    Serving the Guests

After the rite of Nika, the groom will go back home to get prepared for welcoming the bride. On this day, both the bride and groom will give a banquet at their home to serve their guests respectively.

(3)    Welcoming the Bride

In the afternoon, dressed in new clothes and surrounded by his friends and relatives, the groom will come to the bride’s home to fetch his new wife. On the way, is rattling the hand-held drum», playing the Sigma and the Rawap, those young men escorting the groom will sing the Song of Welcoming the Bride cheerfully, which makes the whole procession full of joy.

(4)    Weeping Farewell

Before the bride leaves her home, her father will send his blessings to his daughter, and the bride will weep farewell to her family. At this time, those young men will sing a Song of Persuasion, “Don't cry. Girl, please don't cry. It is a joyful time for you, for you are gelling married to a young man like a tercel.”

(5)    Blocking the Way to Ask for Gifts

Clustered by their fellow villagers, the bride and groom get on the festively- decorated wedding car and leave. On their way, those villagers will block the procession. They have to send a gift to the villagers, who are blocking the way.

(6)    Grabbing “Payan Dazi”

When the bride comes to the door of her mother-in-law’s, her husband's family will spread a red Payan Dazi ( a length of fabric ) for her. And while the new couple walks by, the female guests will stand out to grab the fabric. Squawking and fighting among themselves, they will try hard to get one piece as an auspicious keepsake, making the hustling atmosphere unprecedented.

(7)    Removing the Veil

After the new couple goes into the house, young men and women will sing and dance to hold the rite of removing the veil. One of them will remove the veil abruptly while dancing and singing, and then the guests will take their seats to have the wedding banquet. In the evening, all the guests will sing and dance to their heart's content, and enjoy themselves to their heart's content

On the next morning of the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom, accompanied by the bridesmaid and groomsman, will come to greet their parents-in-law respectively.

Wa People’s a “Dreaming to Decide the Marriage”

Wa people begin to “chase the girl” and have a date in their teens. When the evening comes, the young guys will come to the girls in groups to “chase the girl.” And the girls will also wait for them in crowds around the fireplaces. When the boys go into the house, the girl's parents will stand out to leave, and the girls will give the boys a bamboo chair to show their welcome. Then, the boys, sitting beside the girls, will blow the flute, play the Kouxianqin, play the Duxianhu and sing love songs to express their love to the girl they love, while the girls, hanging their heads with their needlework shyly, will secretly peep at the boys to look for the one they love.

When a girl and a boy fall in love with each other, they will exchange their betel nut bags to establish their relationship as Baogele (friends of the opposite sexes). And as soon as the girl finally chooses one from her Baogele and the latter sends her a token of love. Then, their romantic relationship goes steady.

When the fire of the fireplaces goes out, the boys and girls will sleep beside the fireplaces in pairs. If they dream a large forest, a banana forest, bamboo trees or gurgling springs and blooming flowers, their love will be given a good omen, which symbolizes (hat they will have many children and prosperous life after the marriage. At that time, their relationship as lovers can be made certain. But if they dream that the bees bite them, mountains fall, and the earth splits, the flood flashes, tigers and leopards chase them, or they fall while walking, an ill omen is received. They are not permitted to get married. Instead, they should end their love as soon as possible and try to find another partner.

Miao People's

(1)    Singing Folk Songs to Woo

The marriage of the Miao people is comparatively free, and the young men and women have sufficient freedom for their social intercourse without their parents' interruption. When it is time for the festival celebration or village fairs, they will make use of the get-together to sing love songs to each other, courting with each other and expressing their love to each other.

(2)    Grabbing the Bride

Besides the popular steps as the groom’s fetching the bride and the latter’s giving as a dowry, the flow of the Miao wedding has another custom as grabbing the bride.

Nowadays, grabbing the bride has become a symbolic ritual when the romantic relationship between the young man and woman goes mature and steady. On such an occasion, several young men pre-chosen by the groom will go to the bride’s village to wait for her, so that they can grab her as soon as she turns up. Once the brothers of the bride find them, they will chase them to the groom’s, where they will be entertained or given some money as a gift before they finally go back home.

(3)    Catching the Soul

After the girl’s being grabbed (o the boy's, in the place where the girl is going to live, she will be veiled with a paper umbrella symbolically; and then the boy’s aunt or some other female senior will use a live cock to circle her head for three times, the process of which is called " catching the soul”. After that, the girl becomes one of the members of the boy’s family formally. About Iwo or three days later, the boy's family will formally invite a matchmaker to tell the girl's and make the proposal. After the amount of the gift money is settled among the Iwo sides, they will choose an auspicious date to fetch the bride formally. However, before the formal welcoming ceremony, they need to send the grabbed girl back to her parents.

(4)    The Day of Flower Arrangements

The day before the wedding ceremony is called “the Day of Flower Arrangements.” On that day, the guests will gather at the bride's house, and the groom must send the wedding procession to the bride’s to welcome her. The procession consists of seven to eleven members, and the number must be odd. The leading man is called “Escorting Brother, “ and the leading woman is called “Escorting Lady.” They are followed by a group of trumpeters (band). As soon as they arrive at the bride’s, the procession would let off firecrackers, but the girl’s door will not be opened until the Escorting Brother sends the door-opening red pocket and makes a few polite remarks.

(5)    Daba (Making a Kind of Cake)

When the wedding procession sits down and begins to drink the wine, girls from the bride's village will urge them to drink, to make them drunken. The girls will also take the chance of urging lo drink, serving the dishes and the tea, and filling the bowls to smear some bottom ash on those guests, faces, and make all of their faces painted. This kind of action is called Daba. Also, they would use the bean dregs and nettle leaves to lay siege on the wedding procession. As a result, those escorting procession would be covered with bean dregs, and the nettle leaves would sting them severely. This kind of custom is called Daqing, Dafa, which means the more and harder they beat, the closer and richer they will become. The girls won’t stop until the senior from the bride's side stands out to ask them to do so.

(6)    Zhengri

Then, In the evening, the young men and women will begin to sing folk songs to each other for the whole night. The wedding clay is called Zhengri. At dawn, the bride’s family will start the ceremony. The bride-see-off brother will bear the bride to go from the main door to change a pair of new shoes, and then send her to the bride's sedan which is waiting outside the door. If the wedding procession meets another on their way, they will try to detour from the above respectively. When they arrive at the groom's, the escorting brother will carry the bride on his back and walk over the fire baskets. After that, the bride and groom will bow and vow to each other, and the groom's family will hold a banquet for three days to thank their friends and relatives. After the three days, the groom will accompany his new wife to go back to his parents-in-law's home to stay for several days.

Dong People's Marriage Culture

(1)    Step on the Heel to Test Love

Stepping on the heel is one activity of the young Dong people's intercourse. If a young Dung boy falls in love with a girl, he would follow her secretly on the village fair, and then step on her heel on purpose. Turning around, the stamped one will follow the boy to go outside of the fair and talk with each other in detail if the guy hits her fancy. If not, the girl will pretend that she doesn't sense any stepping-on and ignore the boy. And the boy, who finds that there is nobody follows him, will give up and come into the fair again to find another girl.

(2)    Getting Married at Night

Some Dong people in China have the custom of getting married at night. They usually hold the wedding ceremony at night. The escorting procession from the groom's side, which consists of more than 30 people will walk over the mountain past the valley and across the brook to fetch the bride. The whole procession, except for the trumpeter, will carry a pine torch, which makes the place they go to a piece of firelike red, just like a jumping and rolling fire dragon. The fire, together with the beating and blowing of gongs and trumpets, makes this silent remote village full of happiness and passion.

(3)    Border of Songs

After touring for more than five kilometers, the procession finally gets to the bride's village group, but the gate ( each of the village group has a gate) is closed. The gate will not be opened easily, for the villagers have set several “borders of songs." Every time when the procession passes a “border,” they have to sing in antiphonal style. And only when they, one to one, can answer as quickly as the flowing of the water, they are permitted to go into the gate. However, whether they can fetch the bride successfully still depends on the troublesome final step, because singing experts gather at the brides. Their songs involve the past and the present, astronomy and geography, and current affairs and politics as well. They can improvise randomly with any careful thought, so the escorting singers from the groom's side need to make immediate and wise responses so that they can fetch the bride successfully. This is really not an easy task.

(4)    Exchanging Happiness

After the question-and-answer section, the bride’s family will announce to send out the bride. Wearing the Dong handkerchief, necklace and being dressed up with a lace garment, the bride, accompanied by her maids and with a Tung-oiled paper umbrella in her right hand, will start off with the warm and joyful rhythms of the trumpeters. If they meet another escorting procession on the way, the bride and groom will exchange their belts to “exchange their happiness.”

(5)    The Rite of Entering the Door

When the escorting procession comes to the door of the groom’s, they will let off firecrackers, whereas the bride will stand there for a while to wait for “the rile of entering the door.” A senior in his or her 50s will take the chaise of the welcoming ceremony.

(6)    Having Dinner of the Midnight

The previous rite will last for more than ten minutes. After that, the bride will go into the bridal chamber with the sound of the firecrackers, where she would rest for a moment. Then, the new couple and their friends will “ have dinner of the midnight,” after which they will sing songs to each other. While the bride and her maids stay inside, the groom and his friends will stay outside. They sing to each other, and their singing will last till the next dawn.

(7)    Not Living Together

What’s meaningful is that the new couple will not live together after the wedding. The next day, after having the “hundred-dish banquet" ( without any other gifts to the guests to the wedding will bring a dish of food with the most distinctive Dong features, such as salted fish, salted duck, and salted pork), the bride will go back home with the company of her maids. Then, the groom will come to visit his new wife. Once the girl becomes pregnant, she will come back to settle at the boy's, with straws on one of her shoulders ( symbolizing men's farming) and spinning wheels on the other ( symbolizing women's weaving). And from that lime on, the boy and girl become a real couple.

Tujia People’s Crying to Get Married

It seems amazing to cry to celebrate the cheerful marriage and to sing and dance to worship the dead relatives, but these customs sufficiently inflect the unique characters and cultural consciousness of Tujia people. Crying to get married is the prelude of a Tujia wedding ceremony, for the reason that they hold the thought that “ the ceremony is not bustling without the crying and the bride is not beautiful without the crying.” When friends and relatives come to see off the bride, they cry to show their friendliness and politeness. The bride will think that those who don't cry within the crowd look down upon her and thus feel unhappy.

Normally speaking, the bride begins to cry for her marriage one month before the wedding ceremony, and some of them may start to do so two or three clays or even one day before the ceremony. Her family will pour out their sense of departure while preparing the dowry for her.

There are also different kinds of crying, including the crying of mother and daughter, or aunt and niece, of sisters, uncle, and nephew, of sisters-in-law, scolding the matchmaker, and so on. The bride will not only cry for herself but also cry for her ancestor's parents, brothers, and sisters-in-law, sisters, and the matchmaker.

The main contents of their crying include recalling the love between mother and daughter, talking about the bitterness of departure, expressing gratitude to parents, maintenance y asking brothers and sisters-in-law to take care of their old parents, teaching the (laughter to behave, and so on.

The form of crying is to sing instead of crying and to cry to accompany the song. The wailing songs normally are improvised. The bride will cry for her mother when she meets her, and cry for the marriage when she meets her aunt. The wailing lyrics vary from each other, but they also have some fixed words, for instance, “compared with the ancient people", "share the room to cry", "ten pictures", "ten embroideries", "twelve months", and so on.

Crying also has its different tones, rising and falling in cadence. It is a kind of art which is quite hard and mixed up with singing and crying. Before the marriage, the bride will invite a teacher and practice frequently. While they are crying, modal particles such as “Weng,” “Man” and “Ayaya" will be employed. Crying for a while and speaking for a while, the bride makes herself pathetic.

The climax appears on the day of the wedding ceremony. On the previous day, friends relatives and neighbors will come to congratulate and cry for departure. The bride’s family will invite nine of her best single maids to accompany her to cry, which is called "get-together of ten sisters". They will also set a square table in the boudoir of the stilted building, on which there are ten bowls of tea. The nine close sisters will be invited to sit around the table and begin to wail the song, "The bride sitting in the middle is called Baoxi, the sisters on the right Anxi y and those on the left Shouxi. The bride starts crying, and then the Anxi. The three of them continue to cry one by one. They will mainly cry to narrate the friendship between them, and sometimes their crying may include some encouraging and comforting words. Their crying will last till midnight when the bride's family invites them to have some night snacks, which also can be one topic of the brides crying to thank the company of the other nine sisters.